speed speed dating report: exhausting. utterly buggering. 10 publishers, almost all just right for me, 5 minutes with each. no contract. yet. no one wants short stories. yet they laughed at my extracts. found a new writer friend out of it anyway.

and: newsflash: a publisher who knows the short story writer I'd most like to be (if you know what I mean) says she: the writer: Knows Who I Am! Likes My Stuff! even remembers me from a novella comp she judged (though she didn't choose my piece...)

that was the biggest boost I got out of the whole thing.

now I'm off to my "retreat" for a whole 20 hours' peace and quiet. the endless days of contemplation you'd imagine a writer having just don't exist when said writer has a 3-year-old child. don't. can't. never mind.

how many submissions am I making? put it this way: I got a letter today from a publisher I can't remember contacting - must have got them from the directory - rejecting three things I didn't remember sending them. Looking at the outlines, I'd say I sent it in to them maybe late last year. but as far as I'm concerned, I've never heard of them and wouldn't have known the difference if they didn't reply at all...

be careful what you wish for...in a manic moment I put my name up for a spot in the literary speed dating at the Emerging Writers' Festival and of course, because I was being manic and creative about the application, got in.

which means that a week from Saturday I will be faced with half a dozen reps of major publishers. in the same week my uni final submissions are due. and I have no idea what to present, how, what to say.

I know I should just treat it as a bit of emerging-writer fun. I also know these are people who could make it all happen for me in a moment. hard stuff to be relaxed about.

and it's in the afternoon, meaning I can't have a quick champagne beforehand to fortify myself. double long macchiato, here I come...

ah, the shallowness of an under-fed ego.

a magazine which published me last year has written requesting something for this year in respectful terms. I had just drawn up my list of what goes to what journal for the main submission season midyear, but now I think I'll go back and make sure they're getting the best stuff (imho) I can offer.

which might be completely my worst stuff. I still don't know. but it's nice to have a little pat on the head when you're feeling a bit hangdog.